


Gone Forever

by Darktragicangel



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Gen, Post-Reflections
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-07 22:23:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14090985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darktragicangel/pseuds/Darktragicangel
Summary: One-shot of Light Yagami's Pov after L's death. Inspired by Three Days Grace song «Gone Forever»Possibility of adding other DN character's one-shots in the future.





	Gone Forever

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Death Note or any of its characters

**GONE FOREVER**

_I feel so much better_   
_Now that you're gone forever_   
_I tell myself that I don't miss you at all_   
_I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now_   
_That you're gone forever_

  **Three Days Grace.**  

 

\+ + + 

 

Gone.

He is gone.

For good.

For all eternity.

 

So blissful!

So sad.

 

A mad plan with more probabilities of going wrong had worked out.

An ambitious plan with terrifying risks had succeeded.

How unexpected. How perfect.

Just as planned.

 

Because he is gone now.

For good.

Forever.

 

So proud!

So embarrassed.

 

I am drunk in happiness. I am jubilant and ecstatic.

There are no longer chains limiting my private life.

There is no longer the feeling of coldness around my wrist reminding me I’m being constantly observed, analyzed, judged.

No longer do I have to listen the sound of metal clinging against the floor, reminding me I am attached to him.

 

Because he is gone.

He is no longer.

 

I feel so good!

I feel so miserable.

 

I am free.

Free to create a new world.

A new order.

A place where only the just live. It will be the return to innocence. Humankind will be safe, uncorrupted, happy. Because the only thing standing in the way of my utopia is gone.

 

I am so happy!

I am not happy!

 

No longer do I need to feel exposed, to feel naked under a merciless analytical look. No longer do I have to overthink everything. No longer are there movements that could be suspicious. Or a breath that could be taken as too long or too short. No longer do I have to overcalculate what I will say. No longer will I have to level my tone.  No longer is everything about me being systematically observed, scrutinized, interpreted.

 

There is no restrain anymore.

There is only loneliness.

 

No longer are there long sleepless nights. Filled with silence. The strained silence, only interrupted with short impartial sentences, spoken in whispers. Long insomniac nights immersed by the aura of his presence. His savage dark eyes piercing my soul. His occasional smile of complicity. Eternal hours filled only by his company.

 

I can relax now.

I never was this restless before.

 

The nauseating smell of sugar and cakes is everyday fading a bit away. But I feel more nauseated now.

The tense silence is replaced by voices discussing details, theories, probabilities. The noise gives me headaches.

The liberty of moving around without having to ask permission of justifying is rewarding. Never felt so alone before.

 

He is gone.

Forever.

My nemesis.

My companion.

 

And here I stand. At the top of the world.

Being a god.

I am unstoppable, because the only person that could stop me is now gone.

People follow me blindly, without question. They are so gullible.

It’s all I wanted.

 

It’s so easy.

I’m so bored.

 

There is no more challenge.

The adrenaline is gone.

Because he is gone.

 

He is dead. And my purpose died with him too.

 

I realize now.

Now that he is gone. The thing that made me want to win was not my ambition for a perfect world or my dream to be the hero, a god, making this world a better place. My motivation was a human being that defied me. Stubborn, witty and childish. Just like me. A mortal, with a vulnerable and fragile existence. Just like me.

 

My equal.

My challenge.

My purpose.

 

We shared countless hours together. The lack of privacy killed me. Now the lack of intellectual stimulus is killing me. Above all, it is his non-presence that bothers me the most. Being day and night, night and day attached to the same person maddens anyone. Especially if that person has a collection of eccentric habits and compulsive obsessive quirks. Being day and night, night and day with the same person and then, suddenly, take him away is like dismembering an infected leg.  It will not kill you anymore, but you will miss it terribly.

 

L was my infected member.

 

He was my equal and my challenge.

He was my intellectual stimulus.

He was my motivation to defy any obstacle.

He was my nemesis and my companion.

 

I am a god because there is no equal anymore.

I am a god because there is no challenge anymore.

 

L is gone. Forever. Just as planned.

And I am not half as happy as I should be. Because the moment L died, the better part of me died too. My human unperfect side is dead.

 

I am a god.

I stand invincible at the top of the world.

I stand on a place where people worship me, but do not see me, do not understand me.

I am a god.

I stand victorious at the top of the world.

All alone.

 

All because I won.

All because he is gone.

 

L

 

The man that was my nemesis.

The man that was my challenge.

The man that matched my intellect.

The man that saw me and understood me.

He saw both the human and the killer.

He judged me and yet he did not.

 

L is my ghost pain.

Because now and then I believe I can sense his eyes on my back, I can hear his whispers in the long sleepless nights. Now and then I search the coldness around my wrist. Now and then I expect to listen the sound of metal clinging around me. All the things that irritated me when he was alive, I am now longing. Desperately.

 

But now he is gone. And it’s definitive.

And I hide my tears behind my pride.

Because in truth I regret.

I am embarrassed, I am sorry, I am guilty.

My greatest crime?

To betray the only person I ever considered my friend.

L


End file.
